Should You Be With Your Dog When They’re Euthanised?

Even if you’ve not experienced the heartache, it’s probably something you’ve thought about. I know I have. My rescue dog Lucy joined our family five years ago and she’s my whole heart, my soul dog, the love of my life. I arrange my entire life around her and don’t know how I’ll cope without her. Our dogs live for such a short amount of time compared to us humans so it’s a heartbreaking inevitability that we’ll have to say goodbye.

And although your dog might die of natural causes, most of us will be faced with the decision to put our dogs to sleep. According to the Royal Veterinary College (RVC), over the course of a one-year period, 91.5% of dog deaths involved euthanasia, compared to just 8.5% unassisted. 

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But once that gut-wrenching choice has been made, there's more questions: will your dog know what’s happening? Will they want you there with them? And, more importantly, <should> you be with them for their final moments…?

When I posted a Story on my Instagram, asking pet parents if they’d share their experiences of dog euthanasia with me, I was inundated with responses. My inbox filled with DMs and tears spilled down my face as I tried to respond to every one. 

And so, here I meet the vets and vet nurses responsible for the euthanasia process, and the dog parents who’ve made the decision, about what it’s really like to be right there as a dog takes their final breath… 

Warning: there are descriptions of death and dying. 

SUBHEAD: Is there any scientific research into this topic?

Dr Katharine Nelson, director of general practice at the RVC, tells me that most research around euthanasia focuses on making the decision. Although she points me towards a study, Defining a “Good Death”: Exploring Veterinarians’ Perceptions of Companion Animal Euthanasia, which suggests that vets prefer pet parents to be in the room when their dog is put to sleep (57% of vets). Other r esearch shows that euthanasia has evolved into a “pseudo-funeral” – a space for pet parents to openly grieve and gather with loved ones, including other pets.

SUBHEAD: Do vets judge you if you’re not in the room?

Dr Nelson assures me that a vet will never judge you if you can’t be with their dog. Your dog only dies once, Dr Nelson continues, “but a pet parent will relive that experience multiple times in their mind.” If that makes you uncomfortable, don’t force yourself to be present. “Our amazing nurses are always on hand to gently hold pets and reassure them as they pass.” 

“Veterinary teams make certain that dogs are calm and peaceful whether their owners are there or not,” explains Dr Nelson. “For dogs, the euthanasia experience is exactly the same as going under general anaesthetic for surgery, and owners aren’t present for that procedure either.” However, Dr Nelson also notes that it can be a comfort for pet parents to see how peaceful the process is.

SUBHED: Booking the date

Codependency coach Jo Westwood has been with three of her dogs – Presto, George and Susie – when they were euthanised. Her first euthanasia experience was with her first dog, Presto the retired racing greyhound, who she’d adopted when he was six. “He was terrified of everything, but also the gentlest soul and laziest boy,” says Jo. When Presto was 11, he was diagnosed with bone cancer, which led to a full leg and shoulder amputation. “He just never adapted,” says Jo sadly. 

Seven months after his surgery, the time came. “We decided on the Monday and booked it in for the Thursday, which felt weird, to book it in,” she says. As he was still enjoying his food, Jo let him eat whatever he wanted – including ice cream and fish and chips – and took time off work to be with him. The vet came to Jo’s house so that Presto didn’t have to move from his bed and, although Jo didn’t know what to expect, she knew she’d be right there with him, telling him what a good boy he was. 

This was important to canine therapist Lorna Fowle and her wife Zoe, too. Lorna feels passionately about the subject of euthanasia and believes it’s important to be present with your dog. Lorna and Zoe currently share their life with four rescues, Tyson, Charlie, Bella and Denise, but over the years, they’ve watched three dogs die – Anna, Flymo and Mr Wills. Her first was Anna, who died at home in her favourite spot by the fire. “We held her paw and told her how beautiful and loved she was,” says Zoe as she dabs her eyes with a tissue. 

SUBHED: What will the process be like?

There’s lots to think about: where euthanasia will take place, what it will feel like for you and your dog, and what happens to their body. 

“Vets perform euthanasia by injecting dogs with an overdose of anaesthetic,” explains Dr Nelson. “In most cases, the vet will place a cannula in the dog’s leg – a bit like when we have a drip put into the back of our hand in hospital. The vet will then slowly inject into it – the dog will not feel anything at all.” 

If pet parents choose to stay, “they will often hold their dog – on their lap or on the table or on a soft blanket on the floor – while the injection is given,” continues Dr Nelson, as that happens, “dogs will feel as we do when we’re going under anaesthetic – nothing seems to happen for a few seconds and then they suddenly feel very tired and fall asleep.” 

So what does this look like from the outside, for the humans watching? Your dog will stop taking treats, stop panting and, perhaps, rest their head on the arm of the person holding them, explains Dr Nelson. “As the vet injects more of the anaesthetic drug the dog might make a big exhale of breath, then become floppy. After a few more seconds the dog will stop breathing, then the vet will check there are no reflexes and no heartbeat.”

This is what happened to Presto as Jo stroked his face – “his lips quivered like they did when he was dreaming, then he took one massive breath – that was it,” says Jo. But euthanasia can’t always be planned days in advance and things played out differently with Susie, another ex racer who had a heart condition. “We were on a walk and I could hear fluid rattling in her lungs,” says Jo, “it was very distressing.” They went straight to the vet who told her about a lengthy course of treatment. “Is it worth it?” Jo asked, “she’s 15.” The vet suggested letting Susie go. So that’s what Jo did – “I made the decision there and then. I got on the floor and lay down with her.”

Lorna says that she puts on some classical music to keep the environment calm and peaceful. “As hard as it is, I try not to cry as I don’t want their last memory to be us sobbing,” she explains. 

And something else sometimes happens that people don’t really talk about. “Your dog might urinate or poo, because their whole body relaxes,” Lorna explains. So on a practical note, Lorna puts down puppy pads and blankets. “It's not about wanting to keep things clean, but about my dogs feeling dignity at the end.”

Most importantly, “we talk to them the whole time,” says Lorna, “me and Zoe sit on the floor by their head and stroke them.” 

SUBHED: Reasons people choose to stay

Jo couldn’t imagine not being there with her dogs. “I understand why people can’t,” she says, “but I’d been with Presto through everything else, I couldn’t leave him with someone he didn’t know for this.”

Lorna needed to know what happened otherwise she’d forever have questions. “If I didn't see it, I’d wonder, how did they die? Were they looking for me? Were they scared? Did they feel pain?” 

She also wanted to advocate for her dogs. “If you're uncomfortable with something or the vet is handling your dog in a way you don't like, you’re absolutely within your right to say, I'm not comfortable with that. You're never going to get this moment in time back.”

SUBHED: Reasons some people choose not to stay 

Georgina Silverman, registered veterinary nurse at the RVC, tells me that being present for euthanasia may simply not be an appropriate choice for some pet parents. “There are a lot of heavy and strong emotions – it may be too distressing or overwhelming, sometimes our clients feel that they may not be able to cope.” 

Pet parents also might want to remember “their companion for all the happy memories – they might not want to remember their dog’s final moments as being sick,” adds Georgina.

For others, the time comes unexpectedly. In 2022, Katie was away at a friend’s wedding and her parents were looking after her adopted greyhounds, Rosie and Charlie. “Charlie collapsed at my parent’s house,” she tells me. She just couldn’t get back and there was no other choice. [KATIE’S STORY WAS THE ONE I WANTED MORE ON, SO LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK]

Rosie died a year later. “She was in a specialist hospital after what should have been a simple and routine surgery led to sepsis,” Katie tells me. “She has been my most painful loss as she was with no one known to her – she wasn’t expected to pass at all. I feel a huge lack of closure around both Charlie and Rosie but Rosie's passing has left the deepest scar.” [KATIE’S STORY WAS THE ONE I WANTED MORE ON, SO LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK]

Time, Katie continues, does not “heal” all wounds – “it just makes it easier to live with them.”

SUBHED: How to decide what's right for you and your dog

Georgina says that there is no right or wrong choice. “The priority would always be to consider your dog’s welfare and comfort first,” she explains. To help decide, Georgina encourages pet parents to utilise their vet team to discuss the process. “They’ll be able to guide you through what to expect – before, during and after.”

Also reflect on the bond you share with your dog. “Some animals feel more peace in a veterinary setting away from their owners, whereas others feel comforted by their owner’s presence,” explains Georgina. “Every dog and client is different; therefore, their preferences will differ from one dog to the next.”

SUBHED: After the goodbye

When I ask Lorna how she managed her grief, she tells me the death of her dogs has affected her more than any human loss she’s gone through. “We need to make this normal and chat about how it really feels.” That’s why Lorna set up an Instagram page, in Anna’s honour, she named it Nana Anna’s Angels – “that’s what we called her, Nana Anna” – and Lorna connected with other dog parents dealing with death.

https://www.instagram.com/nanaannasangels/?hl=en

How we talk about dog death is important to the grieving process, too. Lorna found no comfort when people told her that her dogs lived to a “good age” – “it doesn’t make it any easier,” she says. “It’s painful whether they’re two or ten or twenty! In society, we don’t know how to talk about pet loss. We don’t have to sugarcoat it or see the bright side.”

Jo used to work in a hospice and that has helped her confront death and dying. “We weren't allowed to say things like passed away. We had to say: died,” she says. “That person's relative has died. Don’t do them the disservice of fluffing it up. ‘Passed away’ doesn't really sum up the depth of feeling.” Jo also takes photos of her dogs when they’re dead [I HAVE MORE INFO ABOUT THIS IF NEEDED – FOUND HIS REALLY INTERESTING]. And she’s still got their ashes. “I always take fur clippings and keep their collar, too,” Jo tells me over Zoom as she picks up the boxes that contain her dogs’ memories. She doesn’t look at them a lot, but she’s really glad she has those things.

Grief itself is very individual, assures Georgina, “people will feel differently. It is always encouraged that if clients feel that they are struggling, they can reach out to mental health support lines or their local GP.”

ENDS: If you need to talk to someone about the grief of losing a pet, animal welfare charity Blue Cross offers Pet Loss Support – including a live chat option with a real person from 8.30am until 8.30pm every day