Ugly holiday sweaters are a winter tradition as classic as eggnog, blizzards, and seasonal depressionopens in a new tab. And thanks to Instagram, more and more dogs are indulging in the trend. An argument could be made for social media as less the culprit of this increase in creepy garments and more a wider canvas for displaying them. But the fact remains that there are more dogs in ugly sweaters than ever before — and we’re not mad at that.
We aren’t just any pet parent spending their waking hours on the Internet; we’re overachievers. So, if our pups are going to be rocking goofy holiday gear, it’s going to be the ugliest, most ironically stylish, and utterly ridiculous-looking gear available. Below, the best of the worst holiday sweaters guaranteed to simultaneously raise eyebrows and melt hearts.
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Frosty the Snowman may have been a jolly happy soul, but nothing will bring your dog more joy on Christmas morning than this cozy sweater. And given that our pups are as unique as snowflakes, this gift offers personalized embroidery to match.
Say what you will about his beliefs on the holiday season, but the Grinch might have been ahead of his time. Like many of us these past few years, he did most of his work at home and wanted to spend all day with his dog. Beyond that, he also recognized the value of dressing pups for the occasion. Help your heart grow a few sizes with this adorable Santa Paws sweater. Plus, you can probably avoid the theft and vandalism that preceded the green guy’s moral turnaround.
Sure, it’s been over a decade since the last Harry Potter flick, but many of us still have an elf-sized hole in our hearts. Honor Dobby’s legacy with this getup and — if you’re feeling extra giving this winter — donate socks to those in need.
Snowmen come in many forms — one of which is a puddle, thanks to global warming. But truly nothing says “this is a look that belongs in the Bridget Jones holiday-party scene” quite like a hand-knit snowman sweater. Even surly Mark Darcy would be charmed by a pup skirting under the figgy pudding table in this number.
It takes a lot of confidence to pull off something with this many clashing, colorful pom poms. Thankfully, judging by the amount of times our dogs have chased after things twice their size, they’re not lacking in that department.
You might be planning your pup’s Bark mitzvahopens in a new tab, but 13 years is a long time to wait for that. A simple solution in the meantime: a Hanukkah sweater. As you light the menorah and gather around the TV to watch the Rugrats Hanukkah episode once again, your dog can look the part right along with you.
While your dog may never understand the larger themes of identity and leisure in The Big Lebowski,nor taste the alcoholic wonder that is a White Russian, they can still appreciate the comfort of the titular character’s garment of choice — the cardigan sweater. Needless to say, the dog will abide.
Why stop at matching family pajamas? Here’s a matching set of sweaters for you and your dog so you can both rep the same cheerfully loud patterns. Take caution, though: This is yet another opportunity for your mom to make you pose for holiday photos that will end up in her never-ending Facebook album.
Sean Zucker is a writer whose work has been featured in Points In Case, The Daily Drunk, Posty, and WellWell. He has an adopted Pit Bull named Banshee whose work has been featured on the kitchen floor and whose behavioral issues rival his own.
