The 8 Most Misunderstood Cat Behaviors

Cats are odd creatures. My foster cat, Akela, for instance, prefers sleeping in a blue Ikea bag on the hard floor rather than the plush wooly cat bed I set up for her by the window. If I was nearby my cat Pumpkin when he was in his litter box, he would meow at me until I looked him in the eye while he did his business. And my other cat, Bear, when I had my face close to his, and I was talking, would sometimes stick his paw in my mouth. One moment I’d be saying, “I love you” and the next I’d be picking short hairs off my tongue, trying not to think about exactly where those paws had been. Odd, right?

When I first noticed these behaviors, my brain rushed to explain them: Bear wanted me to stop talking; Pumpkin had a litter box kink; and Akela, class-conscious former feral that she is, considers sleeping on an actual cat bed to be a bourgeois affectation. These explanations were amusing and fit the stories I had built about who my cats were, but they weren’t correct. They were too complicated. Too human.

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“People often ascribe higher levels of meaning to a cat’s behavior than can be reasonably contained in the cat's brain,” says feline behavior expert Stephen Quandt of catbehaviorhelp.com. We do this because we are deeply invested in our cats and because humans tend to project our own feelings and justifications onto others. 

That’s why cat behavior is so often misunderstood—sometimes to a cat’s benefit and sometimes not. “All too often, the stories people tell themselves about their cats’ intentions are negative,” says Jennifer Van de Kieft, feline behavior and feeding coach at cat-advoacte.com. “They say, ‘My cat’s a jerk, they are judging me, they are angry, they are punishing me,’ when that’s really not true. I’ve never met a cat who was a jerk.”

While the examples from my own cats are a little esoteric, there are plenty of common feline behaviors that people misinterpret every day. Understanding what’s really happening doesn’t just clear up confusion — it strengthens the bond you share with your cat.

When your cat looks at you through slitted eyes

What you might think is happening:

They’re glaring and judging you.

What is actually happening:

“They could be doing a slow blink, which is a sign of affection,” says Van de Kieft. “Or they could just be tired.” They could also be relaxed and just calmly observing the world around them. 

The idea that cats are judging us is widespread, but judgment requires a complex value system that cats don’t possess. If you think your cat is judging you, it’s more likely that you’re judging yourself. That’s just your cat’s face.

When your cat goes to the bathroom outside their litter box

What you might think is happening:

They’re angry or trying to show you who’s boss.

What is actually happening:

“If they are going to the bathroom beside the litter box, that is usually an indication that they have an issue with their setup,” Quandt says. The box could be too small, too dirty, covered, or filled with litter that’s uncomfortable under their paws. “I once had a client complain that their cat was going outside the litter box and it turned out they were only cleaning it once a week. Imagine if you could only flush the toilet once a week.”

According to Quandt, there are five other areas where your cat is most likely to go to the bathroom: your bed, your clothing, areas of importance to you like your spot on the couch which is full of your scent, items you take in and out of the home like bags and luggage, and by the front door. Generally, when cats pee or poop in these areas, they are doing what is known as associative marking.

“They are actually trying to improve their relationship with you by mingling their scent with yours,” Quandt says. “To them, these scents are not negative. They are comforting and an attempt to strengthen the bond you share.”

Now, I know what you’re thinking: What about if your cat only does this when you go on vacation — either while you are away or once you get back?

“They’re not mad,” Van d Kieft says. “They’re just stressed out. They don’t know you are going on vacation. All they know is their favorite person is gone, the routines you two have established are out the window, and they have no idea when or if you will be back. It is a self-soothing behavior.”

And if they wait until you get back to do it, again, it’s not because they are expressing their anger. If anything, they are expressing their desire to be closer to you so you don’t leave them again. They’re not mad at you. They want to be close to you, and they have a very limited range of tools for expressing themselves. 

When your cat purrs

What you might think is happening:

They are happy. All is right with the world.

What is actually happening:

Most of the time, they are happy — but not always. “Purring can also be a self-soothing behavior when a cat is stressed, injured, or sick,” Quandt says.

My cat Akela, for instance, purrs when we cuddle, but if I don’t respect her other signals — ears back, tail flicking, pushing me away — her soothing purrs turn into a warning. If I ignore that warning or fail to recognize it, I’m liable to get nipped. Not because she is mad at me, but because she has a limited set of tools she can use to express herself, and I’ve failed to respond to them appropriately.

When your cat shows you their belly

What you might think is happening:

It’s an invitation to pet.

What is actually happening:

“It’s a sign of trust, not an invitation to touch,” Van de Kieft says. Some cats like belly rubs, but many don’t. Respecting the gesture matters more than testing your luck. “Don’t ruin the moment.”

When your cat bites or takes a swipe at you

What you might think is happening:

They’re punishing you or just being a jerk.

What is actually happening:

“Often, nips and scratches — especially from young cats — are examples of play aggression,” Van de Kieft says. They’re bored and trying to play, even if their sharp claws and teeth make it less fun for you.

Sometimes a cat will bite or swat if you’ve ignored earlier signals that they’re uncomfortable. “A nip is not an attack,” Quandt says. “It’s last resort for communication when nothing else is working.”

When your cat knocks things over

What you might think is happening:

They are agents of chaos hellbent on breaking your most delicate items and generally making a mess for their own sick amusement.

What is actually happening:

Well, you’re half right; they are seeking amusement, but it’s not the knocking things over that they find so amusing. If they did, they’d probably do a lot more damage when you are out of the house. “It’s likely that they are just attention-seeking,” says Van de Kieft, “and the negative attention they get from you for knocking something over is better than getting no attention at all.” At least it makes things less boring for them.

If they’re climbing shelves and knocking things down, they may just want a higher perch. Offer a tall cat tree or wall shelf and watch them prefer their new spot. 

When your cats fight with each other

What you might think is happening:

They hate each other.

What is actually happening:

“Often what people perceive as fighting is actually rough play,” Quandt says. If they’re quiet, not hissing, and can be distracted, it’s probably not a real fight.

When cats do fight, it’s usually about resources. “Cats in the wild are solitary,” Van de Kieft explains. “They don’t share well.” Extra litter boxes, food bowls, and vertical space can reduce conflict.

When your cat scratches up the furniture instead of their scratching pad or post

What you might think is happening:

They’re either stubborn or stupid.

What is actually happening:

Your scratching post might be too flimsy. Furniture is sturdier and more satisfying to dig into. “When they touch it, it doesn’t move, so they can really sink their claws in,” Van de Kieft says. Some cats also prefer horizontal scratchers, especially seniors with arthritis. Offering sturdy vertical and horizontal options can save your having redecorate.

Whatever behaviors you observe in your own cat, do your best to remember they are not out to frustrate or punish us. They are communicating needs, soothing themselves, or simply playing. When we let go of the idea that our cats are tiny, furry humans with complicated motives and cynical inner lives, we start to see them more clearly for who they are. And that shift not only prevents misunderstandings, it also deepens the trust and affection that make sharing our lives with them so rewarding.