8 Things You Should Stop Saying About Your Cat Right Away

The other night, my cat Freddy glared at me when I came home later than planned, hours past her dinnertime. At least, it seemed like she was glaring. I felt sure she was mad at me. But was she, really? I always thought one of the advantages of having a cat, rather than a dog, is that they’re low-maintenance. Now she’ll probably puke on the rug after she eats, I thought, just to be spiteful. Sometimes she’s such a naughty cat.

If that scenario feels familiar, then both of us need to rethink the words we use with regard to our cats — even if we’re just saying them to ourselves. “The language we use matters,” says Dr. Ezra J. Ameis, founder of Paw Priority, a veterinary urgent care center in Los Angeles. For example: “When cats are described as cold, vindictive, or aloof, it shapes how seriously their needs are taken,” he says. “On a broader level, it reinforces the idea that cats are less emotionally complex or less worthy of care than other pets, which simply is not true.”

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Yikes! Read on for ten things we may say (and think) about our cats that we really shouldn’t.

“He’s a jerk.”

It’s undeniable: Cats, like any other creature you share your home with, can be annoying. (Mine are fond of interloping during intimate moments and knocking over my flower arrangements.) But namecalling isn’t cool, no matter how uncool you find their behavior. “When we use disparaging words towards our cats, it can affect our relationship with them,” says certified cat behaviorist Heather Alvey. “If you constantly call your cat a ‘jerk,’ that can shape how you see your cat and create an emotional barrier that will affect your relationship.”

Cat behavior consultant Joey Lusvardi agrees, pointing out that when you label your cat, you miss an opportunity to problem-solve. “Just because you tried something and it didn't work, it doesn't mean nothing will work. You just haven't tried the right thing yet, or need to try doing something differently.” Give your cat the benefit of the doubt, and you might be pleasantly surprised.

“She's aloof.”

Of all the things we say about our cats, this one might be the most deeply ingrained. Because cats aren’t as effusive in their affection as dogs are, it’s easy to write them off as emotionally unavailable. But cats show love in their own way — a slow blink from across the room, a headbutt when you sit down, or simply choosing to be near you while you work.

Alvey challenges cat parents to flip the script. "Is your cat really aloof?" she asks. “Or does the way you act towards your cat not foster an environment of trust?" Cats are good at reading our energy. If we expect them to behave like dogs, and pull back when they don't, we may be creating the very distance we're complaining about.

“He’s being spiteful.”

When you go out of town and your cat poops on your bed, it’s hard not to take it personally. But they’re not doing it out of spite, says Dr. Geri Katz, a veterinary consultant for Pet Honesty. “Cats don’t possess this emotion,” she tells me. “When they behave out of the norm, they are always trying to tell us that something is wrong.”

Dr. Ameis says that when cat parents describe their pets as spiteful, angry, or acting out on purpose, it’s often because the cat is anxious, bored, or in pain. “Urinary tract disease, arthritis, dental pain, gastrointestinal discomfort, and cognitive changes can all present as behavior changes that are misinterpreted as attitude problems,” he says. “Labeling behavior emotionally can delay diagnosis and treatment.”

“She’s lazy.”

When it comes to the language we use about our cats, there’s a long list of words Alvey wishes we’d avoid — and “lazy” is a big one. Yes, cats sleep a lot. But it doesn’t mean they’re lazy. “I would like people to examine why they are using these words,” she says. “Is your cat really lazy, or are they bored because you’re not providing enough stimulation?” 

If your cat seems lethargic, consider whether they might be in need of a little more playtime. And remember that it’s normal for cats to sleep for up to 18 hours a day (it varies with age).  “A lot of the negative perceptions that people have around cats and cat behavior come from a lack of understanding of what is a normal cat behavior, and what their cat needs to have a happy, healthy life,” Alvey says.

“He’s fine — all cats puke.”

I admit, I’m guilty of this one. When one of my cats throws up, my first concern is whether or not they did it on a rug. Isn’t it normal for cats to puke? Dr. Katz says no. “It is just as abnormal as if we vomited,” she tells me. “Regular vomiting is always a sign that something is wrong, even though they don’t seem like they are sick.” 

Dr. Katz emphasizes that cats are good at hiding it when they don’t feel well. “In the wild, if they show pain, they will be attacked. So we have to always be on the lookout for subtle signs of pain,” she says. Vomiting more than twice a month for three months in a row is a sign that your cat may have underlying intestinal disease, Dr. Katz tells me — and that goes for throwing up hairballs, too.

“She’s being difficult.”

Some things about life with cats may be difficult, but is your cat actually difficult? Lusvardi flags this language as being problematic. “I'll give you a great example,” he says. “Many of my clients' cats get put on behavioral medication, and they struggle with getting it into them. They label their cat as being ‘difficult’ when really, the cat just doesn't like a bitter medication being mixed in their food or shoved down their throat.” (Who can blame them? I wouldn’t like it, either.)

Lusvardi encourages cat parents to think about the underlying causes of challenging behavior, and work to address it. With medication, that may mean talking to your veterinarian about getting the medicine in a different formulation, or consulting a behaviorist about how to help your cat take the medicine willingly. “Labeling cats as being challenging or difficult shuts down the problem-solving and leads people to make choices that ultimately harm not only the cats, but themselves,” he says.

“He’s mad at me.”

Assigning human emotion to our cats is always a mistake, according to the vets and behaviorists I spoke with. “People will, for example, say that their cat is peeing on their rug whenever they go on vacation because the cat is mad at them,” Lusvardi says. “Really, what's going on is that the cat is stressed by their human leaving, or the change in their routine. It's actually the opposite of them being mad at you: they miss you and want you around!”

Again, this is a missed opportunity to get to the core of the problem, Lusvardi tells me. “You can't begin finding ways to reduce your cat's stress about your departure if you aren't identifying it as stress.”

“She’s being naughty.”

Have you ever accused your cat of being naughty? Yeah, me too. But they’re not naughty — they’re just cats. “A lot of the behaviors people see as ‘bad’ are cats expressing natural behaviors,” Alvey says. “They might be behaviors that we don’t like, but they are normal and natural for the cat. If we can understand and provide for those needs, the behaviors will resolve.”

Next time your cat is trying to shred your sofa, keep in mind that they aren’t trying to make you angry, Alvey urges cat parents. “Your cat is scratching the furniture because it is the best option that they have available to fulfill their biological need to scratch.” 

“He doesn’t need to go to the vet.”

It’s tempting to think that your indoor cat doesn’t require regular check-ups, but that’s simply not the case, says Dr. Katz. “Since you see your cat every day, you may not notice subtle changes in weight,” she tells me, noting that even a small change can signal a problem. “You also may not notice dental disease, areas of hair loss, or even lumps and bumps.” She says a yearly exam will pick up on things you may not realize, and those things can be significant.

Indoor cats need to stay current on their vaccines, as well. “If they are unvaccinated for rabies and have a run-in with another animal, not only are you at risk for contracting rabies, but as veterinarians, we are required to alert animal control,” Dr. Katz says. This can result in your cat being quarantined at a facility away from home for weeks. Not only that, we can bring viruses home that infect our cats. Bottom line: Take your cat to the vet, and make sure they have the vaccines they need to keep them safe and healthy.

“She’s low-maintenance.”

Sure, you don’t have to venture out into the rain or snow to walk your cat, and getting a cat-sitter is generally easier than finding someone to care for your dog when you’re away. But don’t discount your cat’s very real needs by calling them low-maintenance. “Indoor cats especially need thoughtful, sensory stimulating environments and play options,” says Dr. Hilary Humm-Beatty, a veterinary consultant at Embrace Pet Insurance.

Dr. Humm-Beatty stresses the importance of providing your cat with plenty of places to scratch, hide, and climb, as well as a minimum of two litter box options for a one-cat household, both of which should be cleaned frequently. “Cats have an extremely strong sense of smell and are overwhelmed by scents like dirty litter,” she says. Keeping it fresh helps reduce their stress and prevent peeing and pooping outside the litter box. Remember that though they may seem like less work than dogs, cats are sensitive, and easily stressed by changes in their environment and routine.

Keep these words in mind instead.

"Cats have their own species-specific needs and way of seeing the world," Alvey says. "Like us, cats are individuals. It is up to us, the cat guardians, to get to know our cats and provide for their specific needs." 

So the next time you catch yourself calling your cat spiteful, lazy, or naughty, try pausing and asking a different question: What are they trying to tell me? I know that's what I'll be thinking the next time Freddy gives me that look.