Do Dogs Understand When You Argue with Them?

Everyone has that friend who argues with dogs like they expect them to have a response (or maybe you are that friend). 

We listen and we don’t judge — it’s fun to talk to our dogs like they’re in on the conversation. But how much do they really understand? 

“Dogs come into this world not having any idea what we’re saying, what we want. But they very quickly — I’m talking in a matter of weeks — begin to understand human language,” says Julie Bond, a certified animal behaviorist and dog trainer. 

Once puppies are born and open their eyes, they begin to absorb and learn about the sounds humans are making, but it is best to think about a dog’s language comprehension as similar to a baby or a toddler. 

“I think a lot of dog guardians think that their dogs know more than they actually do. It’s very much like a baby,” says Debbie Tengen CPDT-KA, a dog trainer, behavior consultant, and owner of Pawsitively Polite Dog Obedience Training. 

Dogs try to decipher what their humans are saying because they are trying to get what they want, Bond says. 

“Their ability to see themselves and the world and how they relate to it is about the way a toddler does. And of course toddlers are all about ‘what’s in it for me?’ Dogs are very much like that too. And that’s not a bad thing. Toddlers are bright and engaging and so are dogs,” she says.  

Body language and tone are more important than vocabulary

Body language and tone are the primary ways that dogs communicate with one another, so these are the main signals they’re reading from humans too. 

“If they do bark or growl or make some sound, it’s about the intonation behind it, which is why a play bark is very different from a territorial bark,” Bond says. 

It’s also why you can say, “You little jackass” in a tone that sounds like praise and your dog will wag their tail, shes says. 

If your dog does something you don’t like and you get angry and yell, the dog’s change in demeanor isn’t because they understand that the behavior was wrong, Tengen says. 

“They might look guilty, but they’re not responding to what they did,” she says. 

Dogs can tell from your body language and tone that something bad has happened.

“If your lips are a thin line and your eyes are kind of slitted and your face is pinched and you’re leaning forward aggressively and you’re clipping your words… they know you are not happy,” Bond said. “They put all of it together to understand what we’re saying.” 

But the expressions you might perceive as guilt don’t actually indicate that your dog has connected the dots between tearing up the pillows and your anger. 

“Dogs aren’t much for cause and effect,” Bond says. Your dog might give you the same “guilty” face in response to your upset body language when you come home after having a bad day. 

Dogs do understand some words

The average dog is able to understand about 100 to 200 words, Bond says. 

Dog breeds play a role in this capacity. A Border Collie named Chaser famously learned more than 1,000 words, but that might not be possible for every type of dog.  

For most dogs, they learn important words because those cues are linked to tasty treats or other activities that their brains perceive as rewards.

Dogs learn most quickly when they are paid in food, but they often also know words like “walk” or “outside” because they are connected to an outcome they really enjoy, Bond says. 

Telling a dog to sit repeatedly without any training is futile. Dogs have to learn that sitting earns them food and then that sitting when they hear “sit” will result in a treat in order to build that association with the word. 

“It’s the repetition of doing it over and over again. You can’t just do it three or four times… it takes doing it in several places around the house and outside. That’s called generalization,” Tengen says. 

Dogs don’t generalize well, she says, that’s why it’s important to practice a new command in different settings so that dogs understand they need to sit whenever they hear “sit,” not just in a certain location. 

How to speak to your dog

“Whenever you’re talking with your dog, always try to stay calm and neutral because your dog’s going to respond to that better than a really loud voice or a really angry voice. If you can stay calm and neutral, so will your dog,” Tengen says.

That doesn’t mean you need to be robotic when speaking with your dog, but keeping heightened emotions to a minimum can help them to be more relaxed and receptive to what you’re trying to communicate, she says.  

If you do want to get the point across that you’re upset with your dog, speaking quietly or ignoring them is actually more effective than yelling. 

“What’s the scariest is that really quiet dog who just walks over and you can hear a very low growl… They use volume too,” Bond says. “If you’re really mad at your dog… and you want them to know — get quieter. They understand that.”

Dogs use social shunning as the top way to “punish” one another, so mimicking that behavior is also a clear message.

“I will, if I’m really mad, turn away or ignore them and it’s very effective,” Bond says. 

Learn more about the language of dogs

Dogs work hard to understand us, but “we are not as reciprocal in our understanding of the way dogs communicate,” Bond says.  

Many humans think all barks are the same, but they’re just as nuanced as our conversations, she says. Getting a little bit better at speaking dog can go a long way, whether you’re a new pet parent or a longtime companion. 

Bond recommends Doggie Language by Lili Chin, a book with illustrations to show what dogs are actually saying with their body language. 

“It’s a great investment to help you understand what your dog is saying so you can better communicate with them,” she says.