So You Thought You Were A Dog Person…

A lot of people grow up convinced that they are “dog people,” without ever really giving cats a chance. Dogs forever, cats for never! But why? Cats are great. And despite what cartoons might want us to think, cats and dogs are not natural enemies or in any way diametrically opposed to one another. There is no such thing as a natural cat/dog binary. So why do so many people (on both sides of the issue) insist that there is?

“People struggle with holding complexity,” says Kelly Scott, a licensed mental health counselor at Tribeca Therapy in New York City, “particularly when two things don’t fit together smoothly or feel like they directly contradict each other. When that happens, oftentimes — and not necessarily consciously — we feel the need to pick a side.” 

We do this because picking a side feels good. It makes us feel like we know ourselves and the world around us and how we relate to it. But this picking of sides also stops us from seeing things for what they really are. 

“When we take a position like, ‘I’m a dog person. Period.’ we stop being curious,’ says Scott. “[The issue] is done and dusted and there can be a real commitment to that identity.” It’s a real missed opportunity.

Even if your position is based on personal experience — like if growing up you had a really sweet dog, but the only cat you spent time with scratched you — you can still grow and change, as long as you remain open and curious. It worked for these six people, all of whom felt certain they were “dog people” until they met a special cat that showed them otherwise. 

Jeff

Jeff grew up with dogs and always considered having a dog to be a sort of right of passage for people like himself who don’t want to have children. “In my mind,” he says, “it was like: get a career, get married, buy a house, get a dog.”

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He didn’t dislike cats — he even knew a couple — but he found them aloof and disinterested. “If dogs are man’s best friend,“ Jeff thought, “cats are the opposite.”

Then he met a cat named Riesling. “She was an outdoor cat who belonged to our neighbors,” he says. “She was very standoffish at first, but she grew to like my wife and eventually took a liking to me, too. We developed a routine where she would come to the sliding glass door on the deck at night and we would open it up and hang out with her while we read or did crosswords. She would sit on the couch next to us or in our laps. After a nap or good grooming session, we'd set her out and shut the doors before going to bed. Something just clicked and cats were all of the sudden adorable. Perhaps cats were finally getting a fair shake in my mind for the first time. It was also the pandemic and her visits were often the highlight of the day.”

When Jeff and his wife moved to a new house, they were forced to leave Riesling behind and adopted two cats (Dolce and Vita) to help fill the hole in their lives. “My heart melts every day when I see them,” says Jeff of his kitties. “They're so fucking cute!! They aren’t waiting for me at the door with wagging tails, which can be tough for me sometimes, having grown up with dogs, but it is so rewarding when they decide that they want to snuggle on my lap. And they are truly hilarious.”

Jeff may have been a dog person as a kid, but these days, he’s glad to be a cat dad. “Cats don’t smell, they don’t have greasy coats, they don’t pant in your face or need to be let out to pee at ungodly hours,” he says. “They don’t make tippy-tappy sounds when they walk on the hardwood floors. They don’t bark or make much noise at all, really. They also have hilarious personalities and are so playful and so snuggly, when they want to be. And they're just much lower maintenance than dogs. Although Dolce and Vita still get interactive playtime with us every night! I'm also really glad we adopted siblings: they keep each other company, play and wrestle with each other, and snuggle each other. And it's much easier to adopt siblings as opposed to introducing another cat later on.

“I still love visits from my family and friends' well-behaved, well-groomed dogs, but, in our house, it's cats all the way!”

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Dan

Dan didn’t grow up with pets of any kind. “My parents thought they were dirty,” he says, “so I adopted that belief as well.” 

As an adult, however, Dan found himself surrounded by dogs: his ex had one, his roommate got one, and many of his friends had them as well. And, of course, the more time he spent with dogs, the more he grew to love them. “They are all so friendly, loving, and playful!” he says.  

He had a much harder time with cats. “I was allergic,” he says. “Plus, the only cats I ever saw were super skittish and wanted nothing to do with me.”

Then, he moved to New York. “More and more of my friends had cats,” he says, “so I was finally able to appreciate their cuteness, although I still had pretty bad allergies and couldn't interact with them. Then I got a theater contract that took me out of town for a few months and my now wife gave me an ultimatum. She said, ‘I’ve always had cats and I’m getting a cat, so if you want to stay with me, you’re going to have to figure that out.’”

Dan “very much did want to stay with her,” so he booked an appointment with an allergist and the couple lined up a foster: Holly. “The plan was to foster her while we applied to adopt other cats, but we fell in love,” says Dan. “I remember, when we first brought her home, she ran and hid under the bed and I blindly (and perhaps foolishly) stuck my hand in trying to pet her. She started rubbing her head all over my hand and purring. I was shocked. I felt the love she was giving. I’d never felt so connected to an animal and I still remember that moment some 8 years later.”

Dan’s allergist started him on sublingual immunization therapy (SLIT) and today he and his wife share three cats. “I know pets aren't the same as kids, but being a cat dad has opened up a new level of love and care for me,” says Dan. And although he still very much likes dogs, he is definitely more of a cat person now. “Cats are just so much easier than dogs. They’re more self-sufficient, they clean themselves, they use their litter boxes, they eat regularly, and then they sleep most of the day. They ask so little. But whenever I'm in the mood to play or snuggle, they're totally game. Also, I just love them.”

Vera

Vera loves dogs. She always has. “I grew up with them and I have one now,” she says. “I’d love to work with dogs, spend more time with dogs, and just have many more dogs in my life.” 

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Cats, on the other hand, she wasn’t so into, at first. “I thought of them as aloof,” she says. “They have a reputation for not really needing people and words like ‘catty’ definitely have a negative connotation.”

Then, she met Ted. “He was a stray kitten who appeared one day at my sister’s house,” says Vera. “She took him in and he grew really large. We called him a bruiser and imagined him fighting other cats on his night prowls. He had chunks missing from his ears and a crooked tail, a funny walk, and a bump on his nose and I think I loved him all the more for being ‘imperfect’.  

“And even though he was a tough guy, he was still affectionate. He would roll onto his back like a dog and demand scratches, which I enjoyed giving him, and when he was cross, he would swat things off tables, which amused me to no end.”

Today, Vera and her partner have a cat and a dog and Vera can’t imagine living any other way. “I’d still say I’m a dog person, but I would be sad if I didn’t have a cat around.”

Charlie

“I came out of the womb asking for a dog,” says Charlie. “Every birthday. Every Christmas. Whatever the occassion, if I was going to get a gift, I wanted it to be a dog.”

She didn’t necessarily have a strong negative opinion of cats, she just wanted a dog so badly that she didn’t really consider them. 

“As a child, I would go around to all the houses with dogs and ring the bells and ask if they could come out and play,” says Charlie. “I knew all the neighborhood dogs’ names and their favorite toys.”

Then, she met Samuel. “My roommate and I adopted him and his brother after they were removed from this gross gutter punk’s house due to improper care,” she says. “My roommate at the time took the brother and Sam stuck with me. I fell in love because as soon as he left the carrier he sat on me and never stopped. He sleeps in my bed and follows me everywhere, just like a dog. Always has. He is a little kitten-faced bad boy grumpy old man who loves me and my husband so much. He yells at us when we are late for bed and his favorite thing is tv days on the couch. He made me realize cats have just as much love to give (and receive) as dogs do, but their independence frees you from things like walks and baths.

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“I still absolutely love dogs, but I try to advocate for cats because, contrary to what most people think, they can do the exact same things. And although I still very much like dogs, Samuel is and will always be my soulmate.”

Tim

Tim always connected more easily with dogs than with cats. “I just understood them better,” he says. “I appreciated the unconditional love they gave and how active and playful they were.” Cats, on the other hand, he thought, “were more likely to hiss, scratch, bite, or just run away from cuddles.”

His roommate’s cat, Pea, made him think differently, though. “It was 2016 and I had just moved back to New York,” he says. “My roommate had adopted two kittens [while I was away] and they were about a year old.” Tim admits he was a little put off by having a litter box in the house, but he connected with Pea right away. “She watched me settle in and was so curious. She let me pat her and the next morning I woke up to her sleeping right next to me, in my laundry basket. She looked so cute and let me pet her all morning. She loved everyone, but we built such a special connection. She’s sweet, affectionate, loves cuddles, talks to me, snuggles with me. She was just always by my side and gave me such comfort moving back to the City. She instinctively knew I needed to feel secure and I quickly found myself missing her when I was out of the house.”

When Tim moved back to Australia, he wanted to take Pea with him, but in New York, she had her sister cat to keep her company and Tim didn’t want to put her through the stress of quarantine. “I would love to get a cat now,” he says, ”but I’m still so sad about [leaving] Pea, so it will take a lot of time.”

Nicholas

“I always thought cats were sneaky and conniving,” says Nicholas. “The Siamese cat song/scene from Lady and The Tramp really stuck with me. I had a friend growing up with two Siameses cats and they scared me. Probably just because of that movie. Not because they did anything mean to me.”

Then, during the pandemic, Nicholas’s boyfriend convinced Nicholas the couple should foster a kitty. “Fostering quickly turned into adopting and before I knew it we were the parents to not one but two cats,” says Nicholas. “They were adorable. I guess it was the fact that they started with us so young, that they learned to trust us and show their personalities. I had never experienced that before — cats actually showing affection and wanting to play. I thought that was a dog trait, but they proved me wrong.”

Now, on a scale of 1-10, Nicholas describes himself as a cat 10, dog 7. “I am sure if I had a dog the number would increase,” he says, “but the cleanliness and low maintenance of cats seems superior. Their intelligence and sense of humor/personality have really won me over. Also, they do seem to be more selective about who they give their trust/affection to, so it feels extra special when you are chosen.”