7 Reasons Your Cat Thinks You’re Weird
Bombastic side-eye.
Do you ever look at your cat and think, You’re judging me right now, aren’t you?
Of course you do. Every cat parent does.
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It’s those stoic little faces of theirs. The way they stare at you through half-opened eyes, or look at you out of the side of their face. It’s as if you’ve just done something horribly, contemptably embarrassing and they could say something, but they don’t need to because they know one look is all it takes to make you wither in shame. And then, when you stare back at them, as if to say, “What? Why are you looking at me like that?” They do the most damning thing of all: they blink and turn away as if in slow motion. Devastating. God, it’s like being back in middle school, except now you have to clean up your bully’s feces and pay their medical bills.
Now, there’s no way to really know what a cat is thinking. But given that they are a different species with different wants and needs, there are probably lots of things we do that strike them as weird. They’re weird too, of course, but that’s a topic for another day. For now, let’s go through some of the things humans do that likely perplex and bemuse our feline companions. And if you weren’t self-conscious around your cat before, you definitely will be once we’re done. Fun!
How much do you spend on your pet per year?
1. Showering
Why on earth would you choose to get into a tiny room full of falling water? Water! Cats probably find this very strange. First, to them, water is horrid and to be avoided at all costs. But also, they can just lick themselves clean. Washing yourself with soap; trying to remove or mask your natural odors — why would you do that? Cats use odor for scent marking, communication, and to strengthen their bonds with their humans, that’s why they rub up against us all the time. Why would you seek to undermine the power of your own odor? And don’t even get them started on your use of deodorants and perfumes. Madness!
2. Talking to yourself
You don’t see cats walking around meowing to themselves, do you? And yet here you are, pacing your apartment, acting out two sides of a conversation the way you wish it had gone if only you’d been quicker with the comebacks and not so afraid of the consequences. Come to think of it, they probably think it’s weird when you talk on your phone too, although at least then they can hear another voice on the other end of the phone so they know you’re interacting with someone.
Singing is also probably pretty strange to them. And singing plus dancing is likely a total freakshow.
3. Closing the door
They definitely think this is weird and they don’t like it one bit. They are very vocal about that. The feline aversion to closed doors is universal. And why would you close a door to go to the bathroom? Most cats don’t even like using a covered litter box. They want 360 views of their surroundings so they can bolt if a predator approaches. Closing yourself up in a little room to do your business probably seems strange to them. And then you go and flush away all those good marking smells you’ve just made. Madness!
They probably also find it a little strange the way you collect and dispose of their own toileting productions, but they also appreciate a fresh box, so they let that one slide.
4. Going all day without a single nap
Cats nap like it’s both their job and their passion. And they probably look at us spending all day hunched over our computers, bleary eyed from stress and exhaustion, and wonder why we don’t just relax and partake of a daily siesta (or six). True, we tend to sleep straight through the night, but that’s also probably a little odd to them, since cats are polyphasic sleepers, meaning they sleep and wake multiple times throughout the day and night.
5. Our obsession with screens
You know they think this is weird. Just look at the way they try to insinuate themselves between us and our devices. They walk across your keyboard, stand in front of your TV, and just last night my cat literally pulled my phone away from my face with her paw as if to say, “Okay Charles. That’s enough of that.” The cheek!
6. Exercise
Do you work out at home? If so, your cat has probably got in the way on more than one occasion. Just the other day, I was doing pushups and my foster cat Akela came over and sniffed the area where I was touching my nose to the floor as if trying to figure out what it was I was attempting to smell. She then proceeded to sit on my workout spreadsheet and even took a little swipe at me when I went for my weights. Cats do not understand exercise. Hunting? Physically-active play? Sure. But the repetitive raising and lowering of heavy things? The peddling of Pelotons? Downward facing dog? Ridiculous.
7. Literally any time you are loud
It doesn’t matter if you are surprised or excited or, well, I don’t know what other reasons there are to be loud. But they don’t like it and they will definitely give you that bombastic side-eye of theirs if you deign to raise your voice above a certain decibel.
And don’t even get them started on your use of all those super loud appliances like the vacuum, blender, and blowdrier. Why would you expose yourself (let alone them) to such a thunderous maelstrom? And turn down the TV while you’re at it. You’re disturbing their late-evening, pre-bedtime nap and they need that if they’re going to wake you up at 5 in the morning for first breakfast.
But how much are they judging you really?
“Cats are very observant,” says Cristin Tamburo, certified feline behavior consultant at The Cat Counseloropens in new tab. “They probably think a lot of things are odd and different, but they are not judging them the way people think they are.”
Cats don’t have the same kind of arbitrary value judgments and self awareness that humans do. Judgement in the sense of whether or not something is cool or cringe doesn’t serve them. They care about safety and consistency. “They are creatures of habit and routine,” says Jennifer Van de Kieft, feline behavior and nutrition coach at Cat Advocateopens in new tab. “That’s what makes them feel safe and secure. So it’s really only when you start doing things outside of that, things that make them feel unsafe or insecure, things that are out of the norm, that they are likely to have big feelings about them. And even then, they aren’t so much “judging” you as assessing your behavior for signs of danger.
At the same time, they know that we, as humans, are different from them. “It’s not like they think we are big, furless cats,” says Van de Kieft. “We don’t look like cats or smell like cats, or do cat things — like compete over territory — so I think they know we are a different species [even if they don’t actually know what a ‘species’ is]. I like to think they view us as companions — maybe we are parent-like or servant-like, depending on the cat — but I think there is a mutual give and take there.”
Although our behavior may be different from theirs, as long as they know it is not a threat to them, they probably don’t care much what we do. And if they do care, it’s likely just because they want our attention for themselves. “Cats are very manipulative,” says Tamburo, “so if they want your attention, they will make sure the weird stuff you are doing is disrupted.”
So go ahead and be weird without fear. Your cat already knows you’re strange, but they’ve decided you’re harmless—and occasionally useful—so they let it slide. Just don’t close the door again. They hate that.
