8 Things to Know If You Have a Shy Dog

Every time another dog or person approaches my 15-year-old Jack Russell Terrier, I feel like I have to warn them in advance: she’s shy. Not reactive, snappy or even particularly anxious, but very shy. She’ll stand there while another dog sniffs her butt without sniffing back, and the first chance she gets to run off, she’ll take it. I’ve long wondered what makes her so shy, and questioned whether it’s my job to push her out of her comfort zone and force her to make connections she’s not ready for. 

If you have a shy dog, there are some things you need to know before you try to make them do something they’re not comfortable with. Ivan Petersel is a trainer and the founder of Dog Virtuoso. He says that shy dogs and bossy dogs might seem like opposites, but they often share one root issue–a lack of confidence. However, you should take a different approach with them. “Any type of pressure even when it’s well-meaning can push a shy dog backward fast. Shy dogs need someone to advocate for them, not throw them into social situations they’re not ready for,” he says. 

So what should you do instead? Here are eight things you should know if you have a shy dog.

Don’t let strangers force friendship

Everyone wants to pet cute dogs, and that’s fair enough–until it isn’t. If you have a shy dog, you need to be their strongest advocate. That means never letting guests reach for them or crouch over them, particularly if they appear to be trying to get away. “Sustained eye contact and saying things like ‘I wish I could pet you’ is for the human. This is not the type of interaction a shy dog wants,” says Petersel. Instead, strangers should share your dog’s space without forcing contact that they’re not asking for. “With dogs like that respect comes first and friendship second. Simply sharing space with them and showing that you’re not a threat and that you listen to them is powerful.”

Don’t over-reassure

If your dog is shy, it’s normal to want to reassure them with your words and actions. However, says Petersel, this can actually have the opposite effect that you’re looking for. Repeating phrases like “it’s OK” doesn’t change how they feel, and can stress them out. “Dogs can mirror your behavior, feelings and breathing patterns. If you show them that triggers don’t bother you, they will often relax more,” says Petersel. If you seem OK with the situation, they’re more likely to start to chill.

Dogs can be shy for many reasons

You might be wondering why your dog is shy, or questioning whether you’ve done anything wrong in the way you’ve trained or raised them. In actual fact, there are many reasons why a dog might be super shy. Dog trainer Joe Nutkins says that it often starts with just being one of the quieter puppies in a litter: “When there are more confident siblings that may push others away from food bowls, toys, visitors etc it lowers shy puppies' confidence.” If a dog then doesn’t get much socialization, it can exacerbate their shyness. Incidents like bigger dogs barking in their face or jumping at them can also impact their confidence.

Try parallel walking with other dogs 

If your dog is more shy around other dogs but you want them to become more social, you can try parallel walking, suggests Petersel. Meet up with a friend who has a dog you trust and try walking in the same direction at a safe distance with no forced greetings. This allows social exposure without pressure, and may eventually lead to them feeling comfortable fully interacting with other dogs. 

Advocate for your dog by teaching people how to say “hi” 

If you have a shy dog, you shouldn’t let strangers touch them without asking. Instead, you can advocate for your pet by teaching people how to say “hi” to them. “You can tell people that you’re working on building your dog’s confidence,” says Petersel. First, you should just let your dog sniff to collect information. You could also try giving them treats to offer your dog in order to build bonds and confidence. “Typically, I’ll have strangers give the food after the dog has shown signs of confidence. This rewards particular states of mind,” says Petersel. 

You can improve a shy dog’s confidence

In many cases, being shy is simply a part of a dog’s personality. However, they can improve their confidence with time. You can help by showing them support. “Help them move away from something they are unsure about, block an oncoming person or dog by moving them behind you,” says Petersel. Most importantly, don't force them to 'face their fears' as they will stop looking to you for help. Most of all, you need to be patient. “There's a fine line between encouraging and seeing how they are getting on and pushing too far which crumbles their confidence,” says Petersel. Be patient, and meet them on their terms. You can try letting them spend time with dogs or people that they are comfortable with, as positive experiences will build them up. 

Shy dogs don’t need pressure

Most importantly, says Petersel, you should remember to never force your dog into something they’re not comfortable with. “Shy dogs need someone to advocate for them, exposure without overwhelm, confidence-building wins and pace to grow into emotional autonomy,” says Petersel. “Shy dogs don’t need to be shoved out of their comfort zone, nor do they need a bubble where nothing ever challenges them. They need thoughtful, coached experiences that let them expand their world safely.” You’re their fiercest advocate, and they’re looking to you to guide them.

A shy dog can still thrive with the right people supporting them

Shy dogs are all different, and it might take yours a while to come out of their shell. Alternatively, they might always be a little shy in certain situations, and that’s OK. As their parent, you might worry that they’re missing out on life by not interacting with every dog and person that they meet. Nutkins says not to worry: “Shy dogs are not incapable of learning or of doing regular dog sports and activities but in fact can thrive and gain confidence with activities they enjoy,” he says. “Working with your shy dog rather than trying to insist they will accept your idea of 'normal' is key to helping them long term; if a busy park worries them try walking them in a quieter area like fields, public footpaths or even renting a secure dog field sometimes.” Shy dogs tend to enjoy specific people or dogs, and spending time with them can improve their confidence.